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[Jul 22nd] |
I have absolutely no reason to do this, but I am going to anyways and I don't give a fuck.
I just finished looking at mine and other peoples OLD live journals and my gay comments to them and my gay entries. Everything just gets me so aggravated, you have no idea. After reading everything I feel like i've wasted my entire life on bullshit and that's why today, I am no where. Now starting from June 27th, 2006, I am making the biggest commitment of my life to do what is best for me and not for others for once.
Which reminds me. I've changed. And I love it. I have no care in the world for anyone but myself, but I don't show it, and I don't bring it upon others. I've learned to move on without the old friends from my past and make new ones and new lovers. Don't get me wrong, I miss and love them still even though we don't talk, but I am much better off where I am now. Recently old friends have been in contact with me, which is nice.. But just hearing them explain about how they have such crazy new lives... It's ridiculous and it makes me sick.
I'm not the girl I used to be "hehehe i love you allllllllll". Nah. I know how to act. I finally have a set personality. And I actually and FINALLY make the attemps to achieve my goals. And you know what? If i've had a crazy ass goal from 2 years ago, I'll do it. I don't care for the concequences or money or what anyone thinks. It's who I am and that's what makes me stronger.
So for the past 2 months, I have limited my friends. I feel much happier now. Because they are all little pitty people to me. Now if you're reading this and I used to love you, I still do, even if we've all moved on with our new lives. It's life. But let's make it like a fairy tail. I have... lol... 21 AIM friends. 51 Myspace friends. And 24 LJ friends on my other account.
I dropped out of school. I stopped smoking pot and drinking. So here I am. Trying to rebuild my life. The life I should have had a long time ago.
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| I never wanted to erase your story.. |
[Jul 4th] |
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Alright. As corny as it sounds, I do miss this Live Journal and I do want to keep it going. So I decided to keep writing in it, but nothing like my other one. This one is going to be lyrics and pictures and such. My feelings, but you won't be able to figure my feelings out. I'm actually that confusing. I suppose I will start tomorrow on it, whatever.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) thieves_
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[Jul 6th] |
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alright. sorry everyone- if you care.
but i changed my username. his tragic poem was getting me annoyed. not sure why. but anyways, now it is _dontdiemydear. don't forget to add me on the friends list again.
clickie here yo!
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| pull the plug - |
[Jul 6th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
alllright.. i know i have been writing in this junk a lot. but i got this from josh. and i am sure he wants to fill it out.. riiight? <3. so dude, ya'll have to fill it out..
( booya )
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| give em hell kid <3 |
[Jul 5th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my chemical romance; nigga. |
] |
oh baby here comes the sound.
i took a train outta new orleans and they shot me full of ephedrine.
this is how we like to do it in the murder scene.
can we settle up the score?
if you were here. I'd never have a fear.
so go on live your life.
but I miss you more than I did yesterday.
you're so far away.
so cmon show me how.
cause I mean this more than words can ever say.
you're beautiful.
well I'm a total wreck and almost every day.
like the firing squad or the mess you made.
well don't I look pretty walking down the street.
in the best damn dress I own?
we are young and we don't care.
your dreams and your hopeless hair.
we never wanted it to be this way.
for all our lives.
do you care at all?
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| long lost brother... |
[Jul 5th] |
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mood |
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 angry |
] |
nothing happend today. but last night was a lot of fun with laura; she cut my hair. it is pretty short. it looks good, but i need to get my layers done.
well i am sure ya'll don't know about my long lost brother stosh. his real name is stanely. but it means stosh in polish or whatever. anyways, he is in the army and such. blah blah blah.. and he came home. he is here for another few weeks. not cool.. so my mom was like "oh look at jennys report card". thanks mom.. so he did. oh yeah, by the way, he is 27, and he is the most immature guy i have ever met. so he was looking at it and he said that ive been skipping all of my classes. i skipped a few. who cares? so we got into a huge arguement about school and such. dude, it is summer, i don't want to hear about it. well he sure did. so i started screaming at him to shut the hell up. oh yeah, his girl friend (who lives in germany) was with him. she is a cool chick, but she deserves better. so then i got so fed up, i walked into my room and slammed the door. (this is getting better).. so he comes running into my room, slammes my door and walks up to me with the most serious face ever. i threatend to hit me (he said it a lot). i looked at him.. i yelled at him. i told him that i am not like the rest of the family, and that i am the better one. because you know what, i think i am (not grade wise), but i know what i am doing. so i called him and my brother a drugie and he flipped out.. dude, he was about to hit me.. he wanted to so bad. his face was so close to mine. and i told him to get out. after he got out, i had a few tears in my eyes.. only because i didn't get to say what i wanted to say. the main thing i wanted to say so bad was that he doesn't matter to me (which he really doesn't) and that he is like a long lost uncle of mine. i also wanted to say that i don't care what he says to me because i won't take anything to heart, he was waisting my time. yeah, so when he left my room, i got a little upset, but i blasted my music and sang sang and sang. i wanted to call you josh, but my mom would flip if she saw that i called you from the phone bill.. i needed to spill my heart out to you about why i hate my brother so much.. oh man, so much.
tomorrow; i wont be online at all. i dont feel like being on. i just want to sleep and watch tv. i am working also. hmmm.. but on weds i will miss you so much. i love talking to you <3
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[Jul 4th] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
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soo here i am.. chillin with the king.. of all kings. laura king. not sure what we will be up to today, but dennys is happening. maybe around 12 am. then prolly sleeping over at her house. ill be home tomorrow and i got to do laundry, then prolly chill with lisa.
work was really good today. chilled with different people. i was so nice to my customers for once. it was nice. and i almost passed out.. long story. i got extreamly sick for 5 minutes. really weird. yeah, so everyone knew about it. whatever though.
tonight- no idea what is happening. no party. kevin is working until 1. so me and laura are doomed. but dennys then we are going to blow up my hamster (lauras idea haha) nice laura!!! jerk. but naw, fish is for senior year. my brother gave up a bunch of fire crackers so laura decided that we should put some in my hamsters house and light the fuse. tsk tsk tsk. she will not be with my future children. naw man. nope. haha.
rob; you were late in shoprite today.. you should have came in when joe myers was there. but i need to introduce you to him. i don't naw if i should just give him the application. he is going to need to talk to you. i will see if he is working anytime soon.
oh yeah, by the way, we think john shaved his head........
love is the red of the rose on your coffin door. what's life like bleeding on the floor, the floor, the floor.
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| i love you too. |
[Jul 4th] |
| [ |
mood |
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loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
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vendetta red |
] |
today was long as hell.. i worked from 1:30 until 10. i usually don't work that long. but i had someone in my mind that that kept me busy. <3. and i had jess there with me, thank god. so i did not feel too alone. then there is this cart boy.. oh man haha. yum. so anyways, i hope kevin and dave don't mind me and laura next week. i need to have fun for once. i have been working way tooo much lately. i've been away from my friends for a while now. i never get to see lisa as much as usual anymore. josh; you really need to get minutes.. and i really need to talk to my father about my phone. we should run away together. meet up in penn. that would be a dream come true <3.
i'll KILL anything. CUT the throats of babies for them break their hearts for they were them. waiting for YOU to say.. i love you too <3
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| did you hear? it's all my fault again. |
[Jul 2nd] |
| [ |
mood |
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 rejected |
] |
| [ |
music |
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coheed and cambria |
] |
im bored.. of course. you people suck. you're so boring. haha jk. <3 yeah, so im talking to josh, mike, rob, and dave. mariah is prolly dead at her computer because she's not talking and laura is prolly sleeping. lisa is sick. hmm.
i think i got rob a job at shoprite.. niice. you're welcome yo! you just better get your ass over there this weekend. we gotta chill sometime like old times <3. how did you remember my middle name? you're so crazy. i cannot wait until you get the job. it will be tons of fun.
dude laura, my vandetta red cd dont work.. wtf? :( oh man! kristle, i miss you sooo much. i hope you're alive. you're prolly surfing. jerk.
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[Jun 28th] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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matchbook romance |
] |
saturday- me lisa adam and kyle went to the dashboard show. thrice played <3 them both were fuckin amazing. two other bands played but they weren't really good... soo.. yeah. but i had tons of fun. thanks guys <33
sunday- me lisa and kristle went to LBI. iiii had a lot of fun.. lisa was upset :o( she didn't have mike. i felt really bad. shows she cannot be happy without mike.. ;/. hmm lets see what happend.. we got there around 5; 530? then us three, chris and carr went to the beach. me and lisa didn't go in. we chilled on the rocks. then we went back to the house? i cannot remember. but i remember going to the light house. went back to the house. went to a "party".. but a few people were there. i had a lot of fun though. lisa was on the phone with mike.. i was chillin with the guys and carr. kristle and chris left. i drank a few. i got a kick ass buzz. the guys that were there were chill as fuckin hell!! they were soo cool. funny too. <3. later we went home.. lisa fell to sleep. then me carr kristle and chris went back to the light house. hmm.. it was like double date.. me and carr hooked up (don't worry children.. kissy kissy).. then chilled... went back home.. played pool. i must have played pool like 20 times. carr was supposed to teach me how to play pool.. but i ended up kicking his ass. then i FINALLY went to sleep.. which reminds me, i am going to get a test to find out if i have mono or not. sorryyy carr, i warned yooou.
today- woke up from diana calling lisas cell.. 11:00.. then we got up and went to the beach. me kristle and carr chilled in the ocean. fuckin weird bugs every where.. so we got out. went back to the house. played pooool pooool and poooool forreevverr haha i had so much fun. me and lisa -"get the damn 7 man!!" "lisa.. i hate you.. stop going after the 1!!" haha i had so much fun playing it. carr left :o(.. but we left around 5 and now i am home.. bored. i better chill with ya'll again yo.
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| paper flowers |
[Jun 26th] |
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mood |
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lonely |
] |
today was.. interesting haha. well i chilled with mariah today. we went to her job to get her hours and then to my job. stupid ass me forgot i was wearing flip flops to work, so maxeen gave me her weird shoes to wear. (she is like 40 years old). that was so nice of her. i felt dumb haha. i had fun at work though. i got my pay check. $60. not bad. tomorrow is the thrice show. i cannot wait. and LBI sunday night.. woo hoo. i hope i meet someone cool as hell there. <3
so i am over at mariahs right now.. talking to people online. we will prolly chill for a little tomorrow. i texted josh.. <3 i miss you.
alyssa- i don't know what is going on about 6 flags. i have not talked to chris for a couple of days. and i have to work this week. and i don't know what guy to bring with us man? ahah.
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| whoa ut oh. |
[Jun 25th] |
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mood |
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tired |
] |
today was alright i suppose. i slept over lauras house with kristle and i woke up and we ate.. watched movies then i had to go to work.. which sucked. i got home and mariah made me meet her half way and i chilled with her and her cute friend dave.
lauras boy friend john burned my the folly cd. and it's pretty good. thanks man! you're the BEST!
tomorrow i have to work but before than me and mariah are getting another tongue ring for her. and i have to work 530 until 10. josh; i am going to miss you. have tons of fun camping. talk to you on tuesday <3. ilu.
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[Jun 23rd] |
| [ |
mood |
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excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my chemical romance |
] |
i am over at lauras house.. we are getting ready for lisa's graduation.. we look HOTT. woo hoo haha. i fell to sleep before. then i wake up and i am guessing she made muffins?? hahah niiice. they're were really good. "you're running after something that you'll never kill." anyways hahah.. tonight should be tons of fun. i am stoked. next year in high school is going to blow. a lot..
so today was the last day of school... i didn't go to my final, so i went to alyssas gym.. inntterressting. the whole school like turned off. that is old brick for you. then after me and her just left and went upstairs to bring my english teacher my book and looked for laura.. got laura and went downstairs and walked a little.. waited for mariah and we left school. mc donalds was gooooodd. yuummm..
this summer is going to blow.. i will be working.. uhh sucks... shyt this is kevins last few days.. aww.. ill miss him.. he was fun.
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[Jun 22nd] |
| [ |
mood |
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working |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my chemical romance |
] |
today; i cannot remember well. but here is a clue..
a shoOting stArr (7:46:33 PM): i love our lazy days where we just sleep all day bc of lack of entertainment!!
his tragic poem (7:46:38 PM): LMAO
his tragic poem (7:46:49 PM): that is the deffinition of a bum!
a shoOting stArr (7:47:32 PM): hahaha its like second nature for me and you to jump in any bed with fluffy pillows and down comforters and just crash right next to eachother, most likely drooling on eachothers arms!! haha
his tragic poem (7:47:44 PM): LMAO!
niiiicee hahaha. so i went to school today.. sucked. first final was gym. that was forever. i said my final sophmore goodbyes to kristen and lindsey. then i had spanish.. alyssa man- "chris for c!" haha dude, wtf were you thinking the whole time during the final!?? haha. then me and alyssa went to my english class. i hate my teacher. a lot. she was making fun of me the whole time. thats gay. she said ill prolly be in english 2 again. fuck you. i tried hard too. whateva!
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| but i'll go down with my friends.. |
[Jun 21st] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my chemical romance; the ghost of you |
] |
damn i am tired. long long day. i was supposed to go
to school today, but i woke up late. so i missed my 2 finals.
but it was all good. my mom didn't really care much. i went
to six flags with chris today. i got in for free because he
had one of those tickets. sweeet. in the beginning i was not
very comfortable being with him. i felt kind of weird. but then
after the water ride, it got pretty cool. it was so much fun,
i didn't think i was going to get THAT wet.. i ended up getting
soaked the worse out of twelve people haha. thanks chris for
pushing me towards the waves and waterfall! hahahaha.
nitro was funny as hell too. damn little girl was screaming like
a 5 year old, before the ride started!! haha "shut up!" haha.
after i got home, i layed down on my bed and fell to sleep.
thanks- i had a lot of fun and laughs <3
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| never going home. |
[Jun 20th] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
today was long as hell. shoprite called me in for 12
until 4, but then when i got there, they asked me if
i could work until 8;30. i said yeah.. i just made $70
in a night. sweeet. and they asked me to work thursday
5-9.
tomorrow.. chris wtf is going on? get your ass online
so we can talk about 6 flags yo. <3 better happend and
i cannot wait.
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| oh nobody knows.. all the trouble i've seen |
[Jun 19th] |
| [ |
mood |
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working |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my chemical romance <3 |
] |
yesterday was lisas birthday <3 after school we went
to a buffet and ate like CRAZY mofos. it was crazy.
of course i was acting like a retard, and the waitress
kept smiling at me haha. nice. then we went to the mall.
YES, me and laura bought the new my chemical romance
cd!! woot woot. it's pretty good.. then we went to lauras..
ate our pasta, had our laughs haha.. then we chilled with
mike ryan mongie at the bw. who knows where the kevins
were..?
that fat whore just road her bike past here.. NO NOT ME! <3
anyways, by the way, i got my palm read last night at the bw.
i am not sure if she is right, but jen and tiffany told me some
things are true.. so this is what she said..
i am going to die in my late 80's, early 90's. i have been
negative for a while now and i have been having troubles
for 2 years now (pretty much true). i am a happy person very
easily (true). i should write down my dreams (i was actually
thinking about that) and i can see the future (happend once).
seeing the future is in my mothers side of the family (what?)
i should go with my own insinct and not others. i get along
better with guys than girls (not true). i will have 2 kids and
get married. me and my family are going to move away and
my parents will stay there perminitly and i will come back.
i will be traveling a lot. for the next two months i will be using
money like water (TRUE haha). i am not going to finish school
at the right time, but i eventually will. i will need finantial aid
in the future and i will be okay money wise in the future also.
someone i know who died at a young age is watching over me..
(BUT WHOOOO? i dont know anyone young that died).
i am going to fall in love with my best friend who is a male.
aight, im scared.. sorta.. i sorta believe her.. and
that thing about me moving with my family is true.. and i
AM considering on comming back. maybe she is right.
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| windows go rushing by.. people inside. |
[Jun 17th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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thursday <3 |
] |
i am on the phone with mariah and talking toooo... josh and
alyssa online.. mariah had my thursday cd all along!! ddaammnn.
me and mariah just decided that we are going to make skirts
and stuff for our rooms.. it will look so fuckin amazing. i need
to buy the MCR cd still.
i want to play video games.. im so bored. oh yeah, today was
great. i had a lot of partays.. first i went to alyssa gym for 2 hours.
then i went to my gym afterwards, then lunch, then to alyssa's
lunch.. then to my spanish party, and then english party. wooot.
here are four pictures of me and mariah from september at the
pig roast.. good times!! im the one with the blonde hair.. which
i do not have anymore.. ( falling from the top floors.. )
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